


Hurt together, heal together

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Chronic Pain, Domestic Boyfriends, Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Torture, Lack of Communication, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Medical Procedures, Medical Torture, Medical Trauma, Painkillers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repressed Memories, Self-Blame, Sharing a Bed, Timeline What Timeline, Touchy-Feely, Unconsciousness, Vivisection, i havent read the comics so i'm just guessing about when it happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 21:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16961457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Vivisection, noun- the practice of performing operations on live animals for the purpose of experimentation or scientific research (used only by opponents of such work).Trauma, noun- a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.Pain, noun- highly unpleasant physical sensation caused by illness or injury.But through that, Teddy still has something to hold on to-Love, noun- a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone.





	Hurt together, heal together

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read YA yet (I'm hoping to get the first collection for Christmas) and I love Teddy and Billy and that vivisection scene I've seen on the interwebs has got me FUCKED UP so I had to write a shitty fucking fic about it.
> 
> I don't know where they live at this point in story canon, but they're dating so I put them in the same bed that they might own or could just be using for now, and 'house' just means a place either they are alone or where the whole team is because I honestly don't know. It may be OOC because I haven't read much of their stuff except for some googling and Tumblr so I'm sorry in advance. Let me know if I did a good job or if I fucked them up entirely.

There are some days when Teddy almost doesn’t feel it except for a slight pull at his abdomen of healing scar tissue and sensitive skin. Those days are the easiest- then the pain is almost non-existent and he can forget that the scars are even there in the first place.

But other days, like today or the day before last, the slight tug morphs into something sharp, something tiger-strike violent and it takes everything within Teddy to just bite his lip and hope that the pain would be over soon. Those days, he can hardly get out of bed, can hardly coax himself into pulling on some clothes and managing to stomach something edible.

While he wasn’t conscious for the procedure- having the daylights knocked out of him when they were taken- he could still feel the pain under all the thick layers of sleep, but his body was numbed to it. It was like when you wake up from a surgery, disoriented and confused and in pain that you don’t even remember getting.

Each breath becomes a hassle, each movement a burst of agony, each step accompanied by a wince, each bitten back scream turns into a restless tumble in his chest waiting for the right moment of isolation to escape.

There are days when Billy leaves the house with a smile and a wave and sometimes a kiss when they are alone, and Teddy will watch him go until he is out of sight and cripple over in the strongest sense of suffering and scream into oblivion where only the souls of the damned would hear him. Tears would spring to his eyes and Teddy would only let them fall then- when nobody is looking because it didn’t hurt if he never mentioned it, right?

But after so long, Billy can see straight through Teddy’s lies, and even though Teddy might be pattering about in the kitchen or watching TV on the couch or lounging in bed with a book, one look at him and Billy can always tell when Teddy is hurting. Despite his best efforts, by the end of the day, Teddy always ends up crying in Billy’s arms.

Later on, they told him what procedure had been done on him, and he’d gone and googled the meaning.

_Vivisection, noun- the practice of performing operations on live animals for the purpose of experimentation or scientific research (used only by opponents of such work)._

The words still continue to pound in his head to this day- a mind-numbing ache that Teddy just can’t seem to ignore, can’t seem to sweat out.

Sometimes, on the rare days when he feels particularly sorry for himself, he goes to the bathroom, one hand on the basin, and lifts his shirt up just enough to see the ugly, red, puffy scars in the reflection of the mirror. They make him want to gag every time, make him want to turn away and squeeze his eyes shut tight and never look at them again.

They tell him it’s supposed to heal, and eventually, he knows it will, but Teddy sometimes wonders if the pain will ever fade regardless if the swelling and discolouration do. The scars, he knows, will be a part of him forever, and he adds them reluctantly to the list of many other scars that scatter his body.

He knows that there are people who have gone through worse- knows that there are some people out there who went through the same thing as him and didn’t survive. He keeps telling himself that he has nothing to complain about, and he never does, but he sits silently in his room and hopes it’ll be over soon, that the pain would depart immediately. 

When he stretches out his wings, he can feel the tug and pull of the scars as if there are hooks inside his body yanking them upwards. In any form, he can feel them, regardless of whose face he takes and whose body he copies, he always has those scars, hidden under layers of someone else’s skin.

It isn’t all bad- sometimes when Teddy's standing at the window watching the outside world move by, Billy will come around behind him and wrap his arms over Teddy’s torso, trailing his fingers gently down and glide them over the rough raised scars. “Do they hurt?” Billy would whisper into his neck and Teddy always nods because he could play a tough guy all he wanted, but he would never lie to Billy.

Tutting, Billy would place kisses on his bare shoulder and circle his fingers gently around the wounds and tell Teddy that he was beautiful no matter what form he took or what scars were on his body, and Teddy would feel a little bit better even though that was never really the problem in the first place.

Billy, on the worst of days, would fetch a bed-ridden Teddy all the ice packs and heat packs and hot chocolate he wants, and burrow under the covers with him and watch TV until Teddy falls asleep on his shoulder, hair in his eyes and chocolate smears all over his mouth.

In these instances, it is always a shock to Teddy how much he is really loved. He’s large and brutish, his natural skin is green scaled leather and despite being able to shift into any form he wanted, he had managed to find one they both preferred. Or maybe only Teddy liked it and Billy just let him have it for the sake of Teddy’s happiness.

Either way, on days when it hurts for Teddy to even open his eyes, he is forever grateful that he gets to spend his best and worst days with the man he loves.

* * *

 He’s asleep with his head buried deep in his pillow when a blinding white pain shoots through his chest and snakes its way to his brain, spreading out like electricity through the lay lines of his limbs. A half aborted gasp of pain escapes his lips before he can fully stop it and he blearily blinks his eyes open, only to be met by his cluttered bedside table, the bottle of painkillers that was still open from the night before seems to stare mockingly at him, despite Teddy knowing it can’t.

Grunting, Teddy makes a move to reach them but a thinner arm wraps around him and pins his arm back down to his chest, a chin digging familiarly into his shoulder. “Hurts?” Billy mutters, sleep thick and confused, but Teddy understands and he nods. “Look at me.” Billy tugs at Teddy’s shoulder and the larger man rolls around to meet his boyfriend’s eyes.

Gently, Billy raises a hand and runs his finger down Teddy’s face, gazing in his eyes with something akin to wonder, but Teddy can see a sharp sense of sadness there as well. “I’m sorry I can’t stop the pain,” Billy whispers sadly. “I’d take it all away if I could.”

Reaching up, Teddy grasps Billy’s hand and holds it to his face. “I know you would. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“They said it should have gotten better by now…” Billy muses as his free hand unconsciously trails down Teddy’s body to gently stroke his fingers over the raised skin, a habitual gesture he has accidentally learnt after long nights comforting Teddy through the throes of a nightmare of something he only remembers through after effects. “Maybe I can… cast some sort of spell to wish it away?”

Teddy reaches his other hand around Billy and pulls him closer to his breast, his head fitting snugly in the space of scale-free skin on his chest. “Don’t waste your energy. If they say it’ll fade, then it’ll fade on its own. No need for you to go through so much trouble for nothing.”

Billy doesn’t have the heart to point out how practically effortless it is for him to create new spells with different outcomes, so he sighs into Teddy’s chest and closes his eyes. “I hate that you’re hurting.”

“I mean; we’re always hurting one way or another.” Teddy shrugs, an almost awkward gesture while he lays down with Billy against this chest. “This time it just wasn’t my fault.” He places a kiss to Billy’s head. “It wasn’t either of our faults.” He says sternly and he knows he’s hit the nail on the head when Billy’s shifts uncomfortably in his grip.

When Billy speaks, his words come out muffled from where his face was pressed into Teddy’s chest. “I could have done something to stop him… if I had tried harder… been better then maybe…”

“No no, none of that talk.” To make his point official, Teddy pushes Billy’s head just a little deeper into his chest until Billy falls silent, not enough to smother him or restrict his breathing, just enough to get his point across. “He put those damn things in your ears. There’s nothing you could have done to stop him. Besides, I… didn’t really feel it.” The lie falls flat on his tongue but Billy doesn’t seem to notice.

If Billy sees through the lie, he doesn’t comment. “That’s a bonus. But Teddy… it was really bad. Like, really _really_ bad. I almost didn’t want to watch at all but I couldn’t look away because I knew he was hurting you…” He pauses, to catch his breath or compose himself, Teddy is unsure. “Do you still have the nightmares?”

The comment sends a shiver through Teddy’s body as he remembers the many nights where he woke up crying and screaming from nightmares of a time he wasn’t even conscious for, when the pain triggers sometime during the night and warps Teddy’s dreams into an endless maze of pain and torture and Billy holding him while he cried. Billy took Teddy’s contemplative silence for hesitant fear and squeezes his hand. “Not many, any more.” Teddy finally admits. “They’ve gotten less frequent over time. Less vicious. Less vibrant.”

Billy hums into Teddy’s skin. “What are they like?”

“It’s sort of like when you look at something bright and then turn your eyes away- the image is still there, but faded and wrong.” Teddy runs his hands gently through Billy’s hair as he speaks, careful to avoid his ears, despite knowing that they had completely healed by now and that Billy no longer feels pain from them. “But as I said, they’re not as bad as they were when we first got back.”

There is nothing but silence between them for a while, nothing but Billy’s arms wrapped around Teddy, one hand resting on his abdomen and Teddy’s fingers running through Billy’s hair and rubbing circles into his back. There is a moment where Teddy thinks Billy might have fallen asleep in his arms, not an arrangement he’s disappointed in until Billy tilts his head to place a kiss on Teddy’s chin. “I’m so glad you’re ok. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t.” His arms squeeze Teddy tighter. “I never want to lose you.”

“And you won’t,” Teddy reassures. “I’m not leaving any time soon. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” He chuckles, tugging slightly on Billy’s hair and smiling at the sound of enjoyment Billy makes at it. “I’ll never leave your side, as long as I am able.”

“I’m sorry I can’t help you more.” Billy sighs. “I wish there was something I could do.”

“I’ve lived with it this far.” Teddy reminds him as he easily flips them over so Billy is laying lightly on Teddy’s chest, mindful of the stark scars. “I’m not going to suddenly give in to the pain one day. You know I’m stronger than that.”

“You’re the strongest man I’ve ever known.” Billy bends down and gently places a kiss on Teddy’s lips. “And I love you more and more for it, every day.”

Smiling, Teddy wraps both his arms around Billy again, one hand cushioning the back of his head. “I’m so lucky to have you, you know?”

“I know.” Billy teases before his smile fades. “We’ll be ready next time. I won’t let anyone hurt you like that ever again.”

“There won’t be any next time.” Teddy runs his thumb against the base of Billy’s neck. “And you can’t worry about me constantly. You have a life. Other people who need your protection. You can’t abandon your time just because I’m your boyfriend.”

“I can worry about anyone I want.” Billy insists. “especially my alien hybrid boyfriend who often takes the brunt of the fire in battle and was recently tortured for fun.”

Teddy runs his finger lightly over the shell of Billy’s ear, not mentioning the shiver the contact sent through Billy’s entire being. Instead of continuing the conversation, Teddy tries to distract his boyfriend with a different topic. “Are you ever gonna get these pierced? They’d look good on you, I'm sure.”

Reaching up, Billy grabs Teddy’s hand and pulls it gently away from his ear and places it between their bodies. “Don’t change the subject. You know that’s what it was, right? Torture?” Instead of answering with words, Teddy nods. “I know you don’t like talking about it, but if you have a vivisection done on you against your will by a madman with an agenda? That’s _literal_ torture.”

Shifting uncomfortably beneath him, Teddy bites his lip. “I know. I just… hate saying it, because if I admit it, it’ll be real. I don’t think I’d be able to cope if _‘I’ve been tortured’_ is rattling around in my head.”

“But it _is_ real, whether you say it out loud or not.” Billy’s hand rests on the scars crisscrossing Teddy’s body. “And I know that scars don’t bother you much, but these ones come with a different story. When I look at them, it takes me back to that room, with a crazy old man sticking sharp things into you. It was…horrible. I know that you were unconscious when it was happening but that doesn’t make it any less valid. You and I both know that.”

“I know but… I just really don’t like to think about it.” Teddy refuses to meet Billy’s eyes. “Besides, it’s all in the past.”

“But you still wake up in the middle of the night from bad dreams and you spend entire days in pain.” Billy reminds him. “It’s not a bad thing. I mean, it’s expected from people with trauma to express it in different ways. You have nothing to be ashamed about if that’s what’s on your mind.”

“Nah, none of that.” Teddy shakes his head. “I don’t know how to explain it. I’m sorry for not being a good… communicator, with this sort of stuff. It’s hard to admit when I’m hurting because people like you have it so much worse. It may have happened to me, but you were forced to watch, unable to do anything. My end of the bargain was much easier, a blessing compared to what you had to go through. I wasn’t even awake for any of it. I wouldn’t even have known if you guys hadn’t told me.”

“I should have tried harder to get us out of there.” Billy shakes his head and tilts his head away from Teddy’s searching eyes. “I thought I was getting better with controlling my powers. I thought they were getting stronger, but I guess I was wrong. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. Maybe if I had tried harder or spent more time on each spell, I could have saved you.”

Teddy lets Billy continue with his rant before placing a hand on the back of his shoulder. “Never blame yourself, especially not something you had no control over. If we’re talking about blame, I should have fought harder when they came after us in the first place.” He doesn’t miss the look of reluctant understanding on Billy’s face. “So don’t blame yourself. Nobody else does and I certainly don’t. We hurt together and we heal together. We’ll be fine.”

“I love you,” Billy whispers wholeheartedly into Teddy’s skin, his eyes already beginning to drop shut. “We’ll get through this together. Like we always do.”

Humming, Teddy closes his eyes as well, trying to urge himself to follow his boyfriend into the painless safety of sleep. “And I love you more than words could describe.”

In a moment of passion, Teddy finds himself wanting to give a long spiel regarding the all-encompassing love and adoration he holds for Billy Kaplan in an attempt to actually find words to describe it, but Billy is already snoring on his chest, one hand fisted loosely in the sheets and the other resting gently on the magnitude of ugly scars littering Teddy’s abdomen. Laughing softly, Teddy slowly follows his boyfriend into a dreamless sleep, suddenly realizing that despite how much pain he’s in and tries desperately to hide on more than one occasion, Billy will always be there told help and hold him through any moment the pain might strike with a vengeance.

And really, that’s the only thing Teddy’s ever wanted- to be loved regardless of his scars or his baggage.

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who has been in the hospital many times for many surgeries, that anaesthesia reference was incredibly accurate.
> 
> (Also, this fic is not dedicated to them, but happy birthday to my cousin Cooper and my second cousin Indiana who was born T O D A Y)


End file.
